Profilectlx.Carlene Tan Li Xuan 11th July 1988. Currently 23+. Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School, SRJC (first 3 months), TPJC, NUS FASS (econs). loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.
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Wednesday, July 14, 2004okay, so i came to school in the morning, thinking everything would be okay, thinking that no one would read my blog, but it seems there are people who actually read it... hehe... forgot this was an open thing... oops... =)so as i was saying, i though i would be strong upon coming to school, thought i could pretend everything is normal but i guess i was wrong, beacause i broke down, and i really did... thanks god i had xue ling behind my back, coz she told me that sometimes not everything can be told to you, not everything you can understand and people do need time, and i know that... but sometimes doing what is preached is not as simple and i'm sure many people know that... thank god i had my koala bear to cry on, well not really cry, but more of tear... and ya, thank god for my grand daughter who actually cared, and thank god i had my polar bear to cheer me up yesterday... oh ya, and thanks si hui for extending your care, i really appreciate it... thank you everyone... i honestly thought i could hide everything and pretend just continue the day, but i couldn't, before i knew it i started to tear during the national anthem, i continued tearing even during the pledge, and that was when i knew i couldn't stay in that festival court, so i requested mrs heng to confrence me, and thank god she agreed... oh man... when i sat down i just like cried everything out... and i really felt better cos she too, told me the same things xue ling told me, and ya i said what i felt and i told her whatever that was weighing me down for the past few days... i really really appreciated that time... so ya, now i'm so much better... thank you everyone for taking my crap, i guess the stress is really making me go crazy, but i'll cope it... i'm strong! hehe oh mrs heng agrees too! *yay!* *well i read ur blog, and i don't blame you at all, becoz i know you're not as strong as you appear to be, and that in fact you're really quite weak... no offence though, but since i chose to be close to you and have already built that trust, then i wouldn't lose it... there's no use hating youself cos nothing's gonna be better even of you decided cut yourself or what so ever, but pls do remember that life is not all about you, otherwise god would have made you someone else, but he didn't. You are a believer of God then trust in him, he didn't make you to hate and blame yourself. If you can reach out to help others in need then do the same for yourself, you keep telling people to reach out for help and so i'm reinforcing that point, find help for yourself. Do whatever's necessary to bring back the normal person you once were, if you ever did it once then its not impossible to do it again. Hm... but what i can't understand is why you can't face me in the face to give me the pressie... y? oh and u said you won't swear again, but you did... so you're suppose to go for confession soon. Well i do agree that i don't understand you, because you don't really understand me too, perhaps i have had many expectations, but it takes 2 hand to clap doesn't it? so well i believe this friendship can last if we both take things slowly but first you gotta find help for yourself, like i did... and i will do my part in making the friendship work, if you even want it to work... * |